she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
