Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
