I got chris browned last night
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
