Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
