Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my shit smells like andre
no you cant smoke seaweed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
