I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just googled if crying burns calories
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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