Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can Purell be used as lube?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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