her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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