He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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