after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize