like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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