she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
