I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
