Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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