Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
