it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
