I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
