he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
