I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
