ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
