We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
