she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Semen is not good for contacts.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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