I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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