Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
zippers are such a cool invention
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
