Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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