fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
