He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I currently don't understand fingers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
