Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
pray to the hookup gods
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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