Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
