Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just pee around me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
