so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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