1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
