I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
