We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Come share oat with me in your robe
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
