just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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