well I can't set my house on fire every night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
