I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
