I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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