He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
