did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
