apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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