he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
