yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am naked and annoyed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
