tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize