Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
