We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
