Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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