I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
