I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
