i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Your cock deserves a montage
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
