we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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