I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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