Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
