Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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