you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
