guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
