I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
