I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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