i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
