yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
