so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
