Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
