Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
