glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
