I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
