Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
