Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
