If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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