I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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