At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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