i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize