I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
