Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Houston, we have a blender
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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