I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
