i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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