Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
