There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
