I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
