I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
