"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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