I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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