DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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